Oh, Tom. Run fast and breathe deep.
This morning we met our vet at the brink of dawn, before a very busy day, to send Thomas on to greener pastures before his decline put him in crisis. This sweetheart of a horse didn't make it easy for us as he nuzzled and cuddled and found the energy to nibble on some last bits of grass before saying goodbye.
Thomas has only been with us a little over a year, having come from a family who truly adored him but couldn't provide for his medical needs anymore. He came to them from a well known local horse trader who said he was 18 in 2020, making him 23 now... but his teeth, graying face, and advanced medical issues made us all question that. Age isn't important, however, when you have such a sweet and willing disposition, and Thomas' personality couldn't be beat!
While initially we hoped he would be a good horse for our children's program, he arrived with some breathing problems (a "slight cough he'd get every fall") that quickly concerned us, leading us to take him to the vet. We found out he was struggling with pneumonia, and was hospitalized with IV antibiotics and round the clock care. While he thankfully survived, recovery was slow, especially after his first antibiotic caused him to have changes to his urine.
He never fully recovered, and our dreams of riding this amazing, kind boy faded as we focused solely on his comfort and care. On top of the respiratory issues, he also had advanced Cushings, and we noticed that his medication seemed to be less and less effective as time passed. With a lot of hard work he did gain weight and have a good summer, though he had an ever present cough. He was one of many on our ever present watch list, and lots of conversations were had concerning his future and goals he needed to make before our bitter cold winter came.
As fall came, his "slight cough" turned into a struggle. We increased his nebulizer treatments, kept him off round bales, and held our breath hoping once harvest was done that he would improve back to his happy, normal self. Unfortunately, even though his cough mostly cleared up, his breathing remained heavy, his appetite decreased, and this past weekend he showed obvious signs of weakness and instability in his hindquarters. We faced the truth - our lovely, kind boy, who remained as happy and affectionate as the day we met him, was shutting down.
We went into end of life care, with steroids to stimulate his appetite, and offering him anything to help him eat, and worked with our vets to make a plan. With an appointment already set for Friday, we had hoped to make it until then, but we all knew that if Thomas needed it, we would make it sooner.
Yesterday, he stopped eating at all and only drank once in 24 hours, and we knew Friday was unattainable. So early this morning, well before the sun rose, we loaded him up and took him to the vets who saved his life a year ago, this time to love him enough to end it before it became catastrophic. He came off the trailer and nibbled on grass, nuzzled and rubbed on everyone, and our vet quietly laid him down under anesthesia and let him free from his failing body.
When there's No Wrong Answer with an older horse, we typically give them time and comfort, but when it's time, it's time. And while Thomas wasn't with us long enough for any of his friends to pass before him, I'm sure someone from his past life was waiting to meet him when he woke up in Greener Pastures this morning, taking a deep breath and running like the wind for the first time in a long time.
We'll grieve him and all the dreams we had for him, but also can't be completely sad for a horse who so obviously knew love most of his life to reach a peaceful and humane end. We're glad we can be there for him, even when it hurts.
Run fast, and breathe deep, Thomas. You earned your rest.